Have you ever faced the challenge of aligning your life vision with your partner? I could say that as someone who’s travelling a lot I’ve definitely experienced this in the last years. But that would be only half of the truth. The whole truth is that I’ve always had a tough time visualising clearly my dreams, my desires, my goals for the future. And it’s only natural that it has made its way to my relationship.
As I’ve become more aware of this, I’ve looked for ways and practices to help cultivate more clarity. And recently I stumbled on a very powerful one. It’s an ancient Bulgaria magic ritual called ‘narichane’ (i.e. ‘naming things’), described in the ‘Hostess of God’ – one of the best Bulgarian books I’ve ever read. In order to gain access to this ritual, a person needs to reach a high level of clarity of what is it that she wants, of the change she’d like to see in their lives. If and once she accomplishes this, she is helped by a guide to state those desires out loud as she makes a bread with her own hands, and take full responsibility for making them happen.
As I am looking forward to getting together with a couple of friends and doing this here in Sofia, I also decided to try a smaller version of it in my relationship. So on our next dinner date I suggested to Mircea, my partner from 5.5 years, to experiment with a simple practice to help each other gain more clarity about our desires for the future. I was the first one to speak and do my best to lay out in as much detail as I can what I wanted for my life, for my career, for our relationship, in the next years. His job as I did was to listen in order to understand me and help me get more clarity in places where things were blurry. He’d do so in two basic ways:
1) if I’d say ‘I don’t want to be X anymore’, he’d say ‘You are saying what you don’t want. But what is it that you actually want’. Focusing on positive desires is key, as it helps us move in a vibration of excitement and motivation to make them happen from a space of love, rather than fear.
2) if I’d say something like ‘I want to feel loved’ or ‘I want to be happy’, he’d ask me ‘What does that look like for you more specifically? What needs to happen for you to feel that way?’. Naming your love, your joy, your happiness helps bring it down from the abstract to the practical unique way in which it works for you (as we are all different – the way in which I receive love the best would probably be completely different from yours and it’s good for us to be clear on our own terms and definitions).
Afterwards, we switched roles. As I was listening to him, my only goal was to support him into gaining his own clarity rather than trying to see how it would match with mine. It was an exploration into his world and his desires and it felt empowering and beautiful to witness that without an agenda.
As we finished, we both had a feeling of relief and excitement about making our personal dreams happen. We felt loved and supported and grateful to each other for the space the other gave us to express and dream up our ideal lives. And a surprising by-product was that we felt at peace about our relationship without hammering out details about its vision. We could clearly see the overlaps of what we wanted and it felt like it was so easy to make things fit together. This stood as a sharp contrast to many conversations we had in the past where we kept struggling to find the cross-point between our own unclear desires.
So if you’re interested in connecting deeper with yourself and your partner, I’d highly recommend trying this out. It’s a playful way to support each other and I am sure you will have an amazing time. Just set yourself a date and give it a go!
About Lessons in Paradise
I believe we already are in paradise, regardless of where we are and what’s going on in our lives. I believe life is a journey towards becoming aware of this and enjoying as much of it as we can in the limited amount of time we have here. The ‘Lessons in Paradise’ vlog is the space where I share my process of shedding patterns and beliefs that obstruct our view in order to replace them with presence, joy and wonder. It’s also my invitation to you – an invitation to connect and journey together in creative ways, as we help each other see through to the greatest expression of ourselves. I also love creating spaces for growth-oriented people to connect to their soul power and life purpose. I do that in the form of coaching and workshops. Reach out if you feel called to explore these topics with me.