I used to work in IT and pride myself in being ultraproductive. I’d start every day with a checklist and end it with the last task ticked off. Everyone was asking me about my secret and I was telling them to go read ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’.
One day I sat down in front of my laptop and felt something was off.
I was feeling pressured, as if I was some sort of machine, keeping busy to distract myself from something. I took a day off – no technology, no people, just me and my journal. It was on that day that I uncovered two energies within my being, which seemed to be pulling in different directions. One was a pressure that kept me spinning the wheel of life as I knew it and the other one was a meaninglessness that kept insisting something is wrong and I need to change it.
The pressure was saying that I need to keep active to maintain an image of happiness and success in front of others. If I dared to stop, I’d fail. I’d fail because the world was set out against me and unless I was strong, busy and well, perfect, I’d lose everything I’d worked so hard to achieve and go down in a spiral of doom and suffering. The voice of pressure was actually the voice of FEAR.
The meaninglessness was saying that this career game I’d been playing for so many years was not what I’d come on this Earth to do. Working in IT had been fun because I was surrounded by awesome open-minded people, but I personally didn’t give a damn about the core purpose of technology, i.e. ‘making people’s lives easier and more comfortable in small ways’. So what was I to do instead? What would bring me that feeling of meaning and fulfilment? I had absolutely no clue. All I knew was that the voice of meaninglessness was actually the voice of my SOUL.
Fear was telling me to stay, soul was telling me to drop everything and head into the unknown. It was scary as hell, but also bright as day what I needed to do. I took a leap of faith, quit my job, got a one-way ticket to Bali and kept my fingers crossed I’d figure it out somehow.
In my second week there I bumped into Jem Bendell, a distinguished British professor in Sustainability Leadership, working with the UN. He seemed to be really concerned about his latest research findings and made me seriously consider the possibility that my life could be over in 10 years due to climate change and civilisation collapse. Little did I know that in the flash of insight that followed, my life would change forever:
“What if it’s true? What if I really have 10 years left to live? Well, I better make sure I f*%$ing live them!
But what does that mean, what makes me feel alive?
I feel alive when I’m connected, in a state of full presence and engagement with myself, others and nature! Right, so then does it really matter if I die tomorrow, in 10 years or in 60 years? I’d like to feel alive regardless of how long I live! This means I need to go after connection and see where it takes me.”
So I went after it. It turned out I was in probably the best place in the world not only to connect with amazing people on their own soul journeys, but also to explore an amazing richness of the shapes and flavours of connection. It was in Ubud, Bali, that little by little, the pieces of the puzzle started falling into place in a wild whirlpool of encounters, events, spiritual experiences, inner enquiry, coaching, reading, dance, authentic relating circles, solitary quests in nature and shamanic work.
Eventually, I began creating with a passion I’d never experienced before, from that space of deep alignment with my purpose here on Earth. One after the other, different forms of service centred around connection emerged:
Have you ever thought you could feel happier, lighter and more energised after an hour of hard work than before starting it? I certainly didn’t, until I found myself pulled by my community into coaching work. Coaching is the deepest and most impactful connection space I ever experienced and can create with another human. Nothing brings me more joy than holding space and witnessing beautiful people align their lives to their highest purpose and power.
The Paradise Vlog
I believe we already are in paradise, regardless of where we are and what’s going on in our lives. I see life as a journey towards becoming aware of this and enjoying as much of it as we can in the limited amount of time we have here. I created my vlog as a space to share my findings in the process of shedding patterns and beliefs that obstruct our view in order to replace them with presence, joy and wonder.
When I first discovered I was on this Earth to connect, I realised I knew so little about the shapes it can take. I decided to make a space to experiment and learn more about it with others. The Connection Playground was born. At first it was an offline community in Ubud, Bali. Since April 2020, we’ve been building an online community space where we host gatherings to explore connection with self, other and nature each week.
What I love most in the world is connection. So I’m always happy to hear from conscious beautiful beings and see how I can support their journeys. I believe there’s a gazillion ways for us to help one another.
Reach out to me – let’s explore them.
"Let the soft animal of your body love what it loves."