We all have our needs and desires, but how easy is it to bring them into awareness?
It might sound as a straightforward thing – you just know somehow, or ask yourself and get an answer. However, when you are under stress, or there’s a big important decision to take, you might feel conflicted between the choices you have and lose touch with your preferences.
This is also a big topic for those who, like me, have developed a superman/superwoman pattern due to childhood events.
The positive side of that pattern is that you are amazing at supporting and being there for others, doing your best to give them what they need. The shadow side of it manifests when you lose touch with your own desires, because ‘it’s all about what others want’. If you do it long enough, you basically send a message to your desires that goes like: “You are not welcome. You make it hard for me to be ‘strong’ and help others. It’s better if you don’t show up at all, if possible, so I can do what I gotta do.”
So stop showing up they do. As a result, you get all kinds of weird symptoms. Sometimes, you transform from a superhero into a doormat in your effort to always be helping others. Then in your anger suddenly discover that you wanted something you never asked for. At other times, you find yourself attaching yourself to things you once wanted and not letting them go. Why? Because then you have to go through the process of discovering what you want again and that’s effortful for you. When you have an important decision to make, your desires go like “But you said you didn’t want us around”. So you might find yourself going in a spiral of feeling lost and troubled until they finally agree to surface.
They key to overcoming the superman/superwoman pattern is not overcoming it.
It’s appreciating your beautiful ability to be there for others, but acknowledging that your contribution is even more powerful when your own needs and desires are met in the process. It’s bringing a healthy balance between showing care for yourself and others.
So how do you connect to your desires and needs?
It depends on the level of disconnection you are experiencing with them. Sometimes, it just takes asking yourself and waiting until the answer comes. If you feel it’s a long-term pattern or it’s harder to get the answer in this way, there are other approaches you can turn to. Some useful practices include authentic relating, mindfulness, breathwork, journalling/bringing attention to the topic etc. In the video above, you will find a meditation that I created based on my shamanic work. It uses visualisation to help you release tension and gain clarity on how to approach getting to know what you want in a healthy way, in general or in a specific situation you are facing.
Our brains developed the capacity to perceive and work with images millions of years before language and rational thought came along. Thus, it can take a single visualisation to achieve what reason would need to focus on for months until it finally clicks with the subconscious mind. This holds especially true when we drop to alpha or theta brainwave level (i.e. deep meditation or REM sleep). At that frequency, critical thought is suspended, allowing easier access to the subconscious which is usually protected by the ego at beta brainwave level (normal consciousness). I believe the best way to work with subconscious images is shamanic journeying (intentional active visualisation), because then you get in touch with your own unique imagery. Guided visualisation can also be quite powerful, with the drawback of their imagery not always fitting yours. The benefit is the safety of someone else with experience guide you through so you get a feel of it. With that said:
I encourage you to do the meditation above and allow yourself to fully relax, so you can benefit from it to the fullest.
About The Paradise Vlog
I believe we already are in paradise, regardless of where we are and what’s going on in our lives. I believe life is a journey towards becoming aware of this and enjoying as much of it as we can in the limited amount of time we have here. The ‘The Paradise Vlog’ youtube channel is the space where I share my process of shedding patterns and beliefs that obstruct our view in order to replace them with presence, joy and wonder. It’s also my invitation to you – an invitation to connect and journey together in creative ways, as we help each other see through to the greatest expression of ourselves. I also love creating spaces for growth-oriented people to connect to their soul power and life purpose. I do that in the form of coaching, shamanic work and workshops. Reach out if you feel curious to explore these topics with me.